First of all, who even eats sandwiches anymore? Once the staple of every kid’s lunchbox, it seemed like the sandwich had gone the way of the dodo, in favor of gluten-free corn pasta, tofu sticks, and organic yogurt from grass-fed cows (what else should they eat?). Didn’t New Yorkers stop eating bread years ago?

But underground rumblings have been tugging at my Spidey senses, and I had a feeling some subversive sandwich mayhem was afoot. Turns out I was right! A group of lunatics has been going round quietly opening up sandwich shops all over our fair island! From East Village to West, and Downtown to Upper East. Can Upper West be far behind? In any case, they deliver!

You may be wondering how I uncovered their nefarious activities. I was strolling along West 14th Street, on my way to pick up some sheet music at the Guitar Center. Suddenly my eyes beheld an astonishing sight! A gigantic arrow pointing to . . . SANDWICHES! Some young gents behind me said, “Hmm, I wonder where we can get some sandwiches?”

And the sandwich quest was on. But it was a Saturday, and they were closed until Monday. Oh! Weekdays only? No sandwiches for us on the weekend? You create the demand and then deny it? Crafty! Cruel!

As so often happens in life, Guitar Center didn’t have the sheet paper I wanted. They only had sheet paper for ukuleles. Ukuleles?! Who plays the ukulele? Maybe the same people who eat sandwiches.

So I went home to look up this strange new sandwich phenom. Counter Service, they’re called. Their definition of sandwich is “anything, as long as it can go on bread.” And NO SOUP FOR YOU! (Note the red neon “No Soup” sign in their window (bottom photo)—a visual callback to the famous Seinfeld episode.) If you know, you know.

Call me piqued! Come Monday lunchtime, I was hankering for a sandwich. I went to counterservice.com. Unlike at most websites you and I encounter, the ordering experience was five-star. It was very quick and easy to get signed up and place my order, and my mysterious new sandwich experience was ready for pickup in 10 minutes.

“The Gigante” lived up to its name: It was ginormous. And every bite was filled with pleasure. Imagine a perfectly toasted sesame-seed-kissed bun, with the optimal crunchy, chewy crust. The perfectly cooked greens were so enrobed in cheese you would never know this was a healthy meal. (Was it?) And the Gigante beans! What a phenomenal surprise to bite through layers of cheese and greens into the soft beany texture. OMG! Perfection. I repeat, perfection!

The brown butter chocolate chip cookie was a last-minute add-on, which I undertook for you, my dear readers. Worth an extra workout at the gym! A perfect crunch-chew combination, with plenty of big soft pieces of chocolate, and a dusting of salt flakes on top. I imagine the brown butter is what gives it the overall satisfaction factor. My tongue says, “Ah! Yes, another bite, please!” I had planned to save half for later. Fuggedaboutit!

This forbidden lunch was a guilty pleasure that still brings a warm glow to my heart. Maybe you will feel the same.

The last sign I saw at Counter Service at 54 W. 14th St. said they are open 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., Monday to Friday. A recent flyer in my mailbox said “8 to 8, every day.” So YMMV (your mileage may vary).

This story first appeared in Chelsea News and other papers in the Straus News group.

Style Notes

Going undercover to sleuth out the sandwich source, I donned a yellow-toned leather jacket with black leather shorts, black-and-yellow python-patterned boots, and a black fedora. Camo for sandwiches!

• Gipsy by Mauritius vegetable-cured yellow leather jacket. All Leather 99/Master Leather, 51 W. 8th Street (now closed, boo).
• Black leather shorts with pockets by BCBGMaxazria. Crossroads Trading, 47 W. 13th Street.
• Dries Van Noten snakeskin-embossed leather platform boots. Bergdorf Goodman. 754 Fifth Avenue.
• Black felt “fedora” detective hat by The Hat Box, Union Made, with black leather bow. Honeymoon Antiques, formerly at 208 E. 6th Street, now relocated to 130 W. 25th Street #5B, Chelsea.